THIS PART....AND MORE...

We're driving slow through the snow on 5th avenue and rite now the radioz all that we can hear.We didn’t talk since we left and itz cold outside but between us itz worse than blue. Ur on this stagnant thing but my heart is beating fast rite now. I know this is the part where the end starts. I cant take it any longer, thought that we were stronger but all that we do is linger and itz slipping through my fingers. I dunt wanna try now. All thatz left to say is goodbye to and find a way to tell u. I hate this part right here I hate this part right here. I just cant take ur tears i hate this part right here. . Every day seven takes of the same old team and we are surrounded by the laws of the same old routinez. Gotta talk to u now before u go to sleep but will we sleep once i tell u itz hurting me. I know u’ll ask me to hold on and carry on like nothings wrong but thers no more time for lies cuz I see sunset in your eyes.but I gotta do this.

haha

and yes peanut u can gloat now that i have praised u =)

what was i thinking??

i just read through my entire blog and i felt that i dont know what i was thinking when i wrote this..i mean rue that all that happened but shouldnt i be over it by now..i mean peanut brain is right..itz been three months and shouldntr i act more mature and be reasonable instead of creating mountains of sadness (dukh key pahaar =p)...i hate to admit it but what peanut says is true (yes i hate to admit anything which he says that is right grrr...sorry peanut but i cant help it!)...any how i mean why should i waste it away...i dont understand myself sometimes..i totally manage to forget everything...i mean amit and then the whole family thing and m happy as a bear (i think bears are always happy =p) but the next thing u know some god forsaken image comes up and pooff!! m this shallow self creature in the midst of an entire herd of rampaging ostriches!!...i mean what is up with that nafeesa??? cant u give it a rest... yes i had rage...i was very very angry...but now i am not so why should i even bother myself with all this?...m fine just the way things are...i wish u cud read this but then i dont want u too...my books are running away man! and m going with em..bye bye woody...i dont talk that much and it totally siuits me (i know peanut must be laughing his head off at this since i bug him and jia the most and then tell them that i dont talk much =D)...but even though i sometimes hate peanut (besides my better judgement even though alot has happened) but hez right and mostly is that u cant hold on to things that dont matter..i mean y should u...they aint gonna affect u at all or the other person so why bother urself with em...rite?...maybe...yeah i guess so...so itz just about keeping ur head straight and ur mind in the right direction...things work out themselves...itz nice to see that i can still write my way out of my feelings...thatz why m sayng bye to woody today...she wont ever come into the picture again no matter how close i get to all of it again..because i wont get it anyhow...how ironic things are somwtimes...only i know how ironic they can be...weird huh =)...stupid peanut being right!!!...khair it is fixed so THANKS PEANUT =D...ur weird but u help me and i appreciate it even though i never show it...cz i never wanna show it...cz that would so not be me =)...later!

SHADOWED EYES

Beauty lingers in the depth of shadowed eyes,
That reveals more to me than words ever could,
Lost in an embrace I see us walking together,
On the sands of time

Laughter and secrets shared echo on the wind,
Gravel bloodies my feet but it’s of no consequence,
Your arms hold me up safe and protected,
A companionship that needs fewer words,
And even fewer explanations

Your voice reminds me of promises lost but never forgotten,
And I have lived a lifetime of pain,
Unable to endure were it not for a kind smile,
A warm shoulder, a touch of love and friendship,
That still stays inside me,
Invitingly saying “come in and I’ll give you shelter from the storm”

So in the midst of all this I would like to say,
Memories that live inside me,
Will stay on forever more,
The times I hurt you—hurt me,
Will haunt me till the day I die,
Underneath the bed of earth.

I want to be there when your world is crashing down
I want to be there when they tell you lies,
And when you feel like you don’t belong
Going to be there till the end
Even when you’re gone

BY:
NAFEESA JOHAR

DEALING DEALING DEALING

aik min but why amit??...oh i will tell you why dear!...12 stinking years thatz why...5 of them the best!!!....only i know why...what was i thinking?...i dont depend on anything...no one nothing nada nil zich!...bleargh works for everything....

BUT OF COURSE EVERYTHING IS A JOKE THEN...SO LAUGH AWAY PEOPLE...LAUGH AWAY..LAUGH ME AWAY

1. No cake..dealing
2. No talk...dealing
3. No study...dealing
4.No nothing

STILL FREAKING DEALING WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no oxy and LIVING MY LIFE...WHOAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

what the heck!

so what if they say that i really dont need to change n all...i mean itz not just some ppl who say it..itz alot, but then i think that i do need to do that, i mean i know what had happened with the whole amit thing after i knew that i should have learned even before that but 12years!!!!!!!!!!! god dammit itz like half my life okay and i still done learn...i never will...if they want me like taht then cool they'll have me that way...i spent half my years doing their way and still sucked at everything so what the heck mite as well suck the entire way through...the chair says that i ought to do it their way but the swimmer is more on my side but i dont believe the swimmer that much...i mean why should i??...y should i believe anyone but me...m getting weird day by day n i know it...i mean i dont feel like laughing all the time..y do i??...for others benefit cz if i tell ppl my probs they run away..woooshhh!!!! hahahaha...n i dunt realli have much to tell anyhow so y should i in the first place...swimmers rite and so is woody...i am going mad!...but m a cool mad..lol...why cant i move it on man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....m yelling and screaming and nobody listens and i dont want them to but then again i do...m so god damn useless everyday and second of my life...help help help help help...i dont need it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 who am i kidding??...i cant ever forget it..all thats happened for five years..how can i so easily forget what had happened...i try okay dont think that i dont. i try to forget what happened but i just cant at times. i dont know what to do about it. i cant laugh cant smile...just too buzie with m work all the itme...is this the way to live???? no i say itz not so why am i living it then...i need to make people around me happy and comfortable thatz why...

 i am just so immature at times why cnat i accept that it was all fake...